DOLCE VITA : THE SWEET LIFE

31/07/2011 V: 'There's a fine line between being stupid and being generous.' S: 'Am I stupid?' V: '*shakes head* You're strong, really, cus you have to face it everyday.' S: '*asmilethatdidn'tquitereachmyeyes* Life.' Life goes on without waiting.. So why should we all wait for people who's not waiting for us. Kept repeating, 看得开就好。看得开就好。 There, just nice. And, well, today.. Today. has. a. nice. date. Topped everything I had.. Sighs. p/s: But honestly, it wasn't that bad really. good job :D period.

28/07/2011 Psychologically imagining myself in the middle of a huge meadow, close my eyes and take a deep, deep breath.. Curve a smile, and open my eyes. There, everything looks a lil bit nicer, a lil more pleasant. Doesn't it? -As long as she is happy, as long as everyone is happy.- This one is working out pretty much perfectly. A wee bit better than shutting both eyes and ears. (Although that might still be needed sometimes.) Learn to accept, and learn to look at it with a smile and embrace with an open heart. I realize that in the end, the way to emancipate the heart from locks, is not to change the lock, is not to seek out the old key that could unlock it, is not to forever keep it shut, but to make a new one, and keep it in your own possession. At least for the time being. Just so that the sense of permanence and security is back. Those are the two major things that are hard to grasp alone. After everything, I guess that this is finally the last straw to really shove me back i

28/07/2011 i have. brilliant eyes. LOL. wish i didn't.

26/07/11 replaying: Cry Me Out- Pixie Lott It is all that is left of it. Along with a handful of irony. That's it. That's all. And no more. smh. period.

25/07/11 But will you still tell me about it with your own words? Will you tell me that it has already been done? 你会亲口告诉我吗？ Will you. Or there is no need to. Yeah that sounds kinda right. ohmytian. tsk. ;_; period.

25/07/11 Is my intuitions always that strong? Well then that would have explained why i was feeling so overwhelmed that day. I am just that awesome. Honestly, i dont feel angry, dont feel crushed, dont feel betrayed or etc. I just feel numb i guess. HA. and a lil foolish for even asking amee the question. duhh. Not a surprise, but i guess i really gotta cope with it this time. haha. Did they think that i knew? I never knew. And now i do. LOL cincai ba. guess i can only smile because it once happened. :) period.

24/07/11 Amee: "You did nothing. you did nothing wrong. you did nothing." I know. but i cant help being a saint? Well. a saint is the most i could try to be; but never a cupid. Okay. maybe i'm too selfish to even be a saint. I wonder. If i were to have that talk with her, what is there to say. Since 'sorry' is no longer applicable, i think. Besides 'sorry', would you have anything else to say? Besides that, is there anything else that should be talked about? Ohmytian. i know i'm bullshit-ing. oh wait. i already know. Rephrase: i knew nothing(25/07/11). waiting for the day it happens back to you maybe? I'll console you then. :P period.

24/07/11 replaying in iTunes, Kyla - I dont want you to go. "Oh it's just too much Takin' all the whole world all by myself But it's not enough Unless I stop trusting somebody else, Somebody else And love again And from the start Maybe we were tryin' too hard It's crazy coz it's breakin' our hearts Things can fall apart but I know, That I don't want you to go, no Maybe we were tryin' to hard It's crazy coz it's breakin' our hearts Things can fall apart but I know, That I don't want you to go." i'm tired. :'(

23/07/11 "不要做自私的人，不然的 活 很累，不要去计较太多，其实，若计较，那时候你已经失去了很多很多，还有最重要的东西，一颗真心，别人与你相交的真心。" 爱一个人， 应该懂得放手 应该学会祝福 应该明白对方过得开心才是最重要的。 明知道不可能了， 就应该懂得让别人 填满我们之前的位置。 这， 谁不知道嘛。 这个道理就这么简单， 但有几个真真能做得到呢？ 我这样的确是很自私， 我也想说服自己， 不要在纠缠不停。 我这样到底是为了什么？ 到底又能得到什么？ 最后， 还不是什么都没有， 而只是让自己更难过。 缘分，跟发明是一样的。 也是源于偶然. 只是，这种发明跟其他发明不一样，它没有专利权，随时会给人抢走。 看开一点， 好吗？:') period.

The best moments in life, are somehow the worst moments too; Because you want to hold on to things that are supposed to be freed. Things that are dear to us, reminisce moments that would make you smile, bitter-sweetly so. Things that meant so much to you, and maybe only to you alone now.. People kept asking if we hate that person. Thing is, you'll never be able to hate that person, no matter what they do. And we never know why. Silly? Dont think so. Thank you vivian, for sharing. :) I miss having maddi and viv w. and angie. The 'sleepover' or rather 'talk-all-night' night we had months ago was one of the best. No secrets, no pretense, no nothing. p/s: Ha. i always wanted to hug her for the last time. But i never did, and there was never a right time. There will never be. period.

22/07/11 And oh. Go. Go enjoy and do whatever that makes you happy for the time you have left here, and next year when you come back. Just dont do it in front of me and come say fucking sorry afterwards. Both of you. Closing both eyes has a limit alright. Dont push it. Suen la. Talk mut chut la. I couldnt even have a few hours of your night without her in between. :\ Besides, i think it is really no longer my business who you meddle with... No rights to. right? If hating helps, all the lovers in the world would've hated their ex to hell. Naww. to infinity and beyond is more like it. LOL. p/s: so looking forward to see my BFF back for speech day and sports day. i think she'd demand serious update on my sort of messed up moments. ciao. period.

22/07/11 @Josephine's. With laikuan, ada, py, chia, yitmei, viv law and louis. Completed my "little dainty black book of la sugarfree". Made with heart and soul. HEHE. Hope you loved the surprise louis did. Although he took kinda long for that :) shin ♥ chris. cousinssss muahahha. HAPPY NINETEENTH BIRTHDAY CHRIS NG. period.

21/07/11 "Why I am feeling all the feelings that I'm feeling now And I got more on my mind Then I've got on my plate. I love you one, a two, a three shoobee-doo, I love you four, that's more than I can afford. And I can tell, some day that I'm gonna say the truth. I love you five times more than any boy from before. ' Cause all they really cared about was whether you put out, And I truly believe, That this love could be." -I Love You 5; Never Shout Never I wonder why i have never stumbled upon "Never Shout Never". The songs are like aww. Getting back a portion of the hangfuk feelings i used to have. They are like, jason mraz plus uhm jonas brothers? more to jason mraz. It made me smile. period.

21/07/11 At least she is there to comfort me? Well hello. I comfort myself more than she comforts me. Have you ever put yourself in my shoes before you say anything? Like how you wanted to know what me and the vege is talking about. Ever thought of how i felt like knowing what you two talk about too? Ever thought of how i wna know what you two have so much to talk about? Ever thought of how i never ever doubted you, never ever breathed a word about not fancying how close you two have grown? It was because i really really never thought that anything would happen. Never thought that a limit was necessary. Like how you asked me if i minded you going out with her when i confronted you. Like how i said No because i believed that i was just being obnoxious. Like how i made myself be the better one because she wasnt mine to hold on to anymore. Like how i freaking believed that she will never just fall for you like that. Like how i told the vege that you are every ounce worth it, Because i som

19/07/11 ʰᵃʰ⋅ ᵗʰᵉ ᵈᵃᵗᵉ⋅ Sat at like the wrong seat in tuition? -__- Noticing things which are like such an eyesore. oh well maybe only to my eyes. i am ddl7y-ing. so? And 3 hours of tuition after school kinda drains me out. Teacher: "The group of singers is summarized into..." Me: "What? Samurai? " LOL And zomg please la. Form 5 kids saying me 'ke ai'? "ew" . i hate that. Then after the text msg viv showed me, -I want shinwei to sayang me too!- "EW!!" Three rows of students ahead of me in tuition turned and glanced at me. damn. Pasar malam. Pass. Wasnt in a gleeful mood for that. And definitely not in a pleasant mood to be there. Urgh. Okay get it. Get it. Get it. Definitely no longer the priority, but an option. Fml. Kthxbye. period.

18/07/11 speech impediment. Prefectorial Board General Meeting. HAHAHA crap i practically greeted, introduced, and im like shoot. mental block for 3 sec? then i continued with my speech. im the first one for god's sake. oh well oh well. "I promise nothing to SMI, because action speaks louder than words. To me, promises are just empty words without execution. So, rather than just talking, I'd rather you all watch and wait for the change we can bring about together in the future." Or so that was what i intended to say. Maybe the nervous jigglies that came from god knows where made me fidget here and there. LOL. whatever. just make sure im not like that if i have a next time. so silly :P Don's ending for his speech is like such an awesome excuse. "And, due to time constrict, I shall end my speech..." (Note: I'm not saying you are awesome. -___-) Hmm. Hope i didnt screw up horribly. I mean i did screw up, just cross fingers in wasnt THAT awful eh. Didnt

17/07/11 I know people care. Brothers, sisters, and you. Gratitude felt. But sometimes sorry just dont make the cut, you know? It makes not much of a difference, cus some things are just not meant to be. And thats what we're supposed to cope with. I know that. I do. But you know how sometimes people just refuse to do the right things. I remember how i used to nag my girlfriends, telling them not to be so silly to be upset about their relationship. Telling them to get a life and get over it. And ta-da, I get them now. Its not like they dont know, they just refuse to. Oh well, life, right? :) Im suddenly having this feeling that we're gonna laugh like god knows how about all this issue next year in cny. haha Gees. People have to stop saying that i am nice. I know i smile, gives you the girl-next-door feeling. Kids prefer me, colleagues like me, parents remember me. So I give people good vibes, nice impressions. Uh well, I am not that nice. I have flaws, I am spiteful, I am selfis

16/07/11 It's kinda hilarious when I find myself sucked deep into all these emotional bullshit. Say for example, I was watching tv in the morning, and ohgees, a tear just trickled down. I was surprised, cus I was crying without realizing. I just clamped my mouth shut, and hugged the pillow. Wiped my eyes, afraid that my mum would walk out and see me like that. damned. That moment, a thousand and million things just flashed through my mind. I see myself, school, deputy nomination, exams, stress, and her. I silently cursed myself for being in that state. I wished I had someone's shoulder to cry on. I wanted someone to just hug me protectively where I can just bury myself and weep like a kid. I just wanted someone to be there. Just right beside me and hold onto me while I just fall apart. I just wanted to lose it. I've been holding myself together too long. I thought of calling my brother, but naww. I dont want to start from scratch. I thought of chris, but she was unavailable

15/07/11 To pledge to not get emotionally attached. Cus it will only get you mentally strained, physically restrained. I remember pledging to stay single for a year till 19th June 2012. That sounds silly, but I think that's whats gonna happen. Unless, I get myself another nice tb? HAHA. Cus boys are just not appealing to me right now. lol. bullshit. doublev's. Besides, time flies like nobody's business. Yeah, getting stressed up and regretting a lil for handing in the Deputy Lady nomination letter. (Did I just signed myself a chance to get into loads of work? ) And studies and the exam. and also emotional swings. I really thank Sam for the brief talk we had today. :) I was like, telling him just really brief and muted parts of my scrambled mind. And like, 'Hey, sorry. I know you don't really understand. But yeah, things have been hard. Get me?' And Sam was like, 'Yeah, I think I understand.' And he told me about his pledge to not get emotionally attached

15/07/11 1. had sex. 2. bought condoms. 3. gotten pregnant. 4. failed a class. 5. kissed a boy. 6. kissed a girl. 7. used a little paper bag for lunch. 8. have/had a job. 9. slipped on ice. 10. missed the school bus . 11. left the house without my wallet. 12. bullied someone on the internet. 13. sexted. 14. had sex in public. 15. played on a sports team. 16. smoked weed. 17. smoked cigarettes. 18. smoked a cigar. 19. drank alcohol. 20. watched “The Breakfast Club” 21. been overweight. 22. been underweight. 23. had an eating disorder. 24. been to a wedding. 25. made fun of someone for being fat. 26. been on the computer for 5 hours straight. 27. watched tv for 5 hours 28. been late for work. 29. been late for school. 30. kissed in the rain. 31. showered with someone else. 32. failed my drivers test. 33. ran a mile in less than 10 minutes. 34. been outside my home country. 35. been on a road trip longer than 5 hours. 36. had lice. 37. gotten my heart broken. 38. had a credit card. 39. be

14/07/11 : before bedtime. I'm telling you. shinweitan is just about the most peculiar thing you'll ever know. My moodswings are like ... I wonder if I'm feeling nice now. Just cus I successfully accomplished my MUET essay. heees. daebak. Keep going. and keep focused. At least for now. period.

14/07/11 Sensation to implode, need to explode. I just feel like jumping into an abyss, close my eyes, hear the wind swish through my ears, and just let go of everything that is holding me back. Ah. Wouldn't that be nice? Just nice. I wish I could break down in the shower and cry again, Let my muffled screams out of my lungs, And hold on dearly to the pieces of me that's threatening to fall apart. Ironic. I just told my friends that we can't crack. yet. And I'm on the verge of breaking into a thousand million splinters. It felt like so many had happened, where in reality, nothing has happened. Not on the exterior, and not to my eyes. Its all the behind-the-scenes, all the things you never get to see with your own eyes, or hear with your own ears. So why bother ? Well, that can't be helped. I just. want to let loose. But haha. I gotta keep myself silent. Can't afford to show it out, and I don't feel like explaining why either. Poker face mmm. Just don't s

13/07/11 Try to, Build walls instead of bridges bridges instead of walls. period.

12/07/11 Oh, you know whats the problem with exes ? They just keep coming back for more. Some hoping to have another chance, another go at it. Some just hoping to redeem back some of their lost happiness with the one they felt contented with. But there is just one tiny thing. Some realize that an ex is an ex for a reason. And some just dont. ˢᵐᶦʳᵏˢ⋅ ᵗʰᵉˢᵉ ʷᵒʳᵈˢ ʰᵃᵛᵉ ᵇᵉᵉᶰ ʳᵘᶰᶰᶦᶰᵍ ᵗʰʳᵒᵘᵍʰ ᵐʸ ᵐᶦᶰᵈ ᵗʰᵉ ʷʰᵒᶫᵉ ᵈᵃʸ⋅ period.

12/07/11 oreo cheesecakeballs. ha-ha. period.

10/07/11 I wish I never asked for you to accept the request. I wish you two never met. I wish you two were never friends. I wish my birthday wasn't the reason you both have each other's number. I wish I was the one who could be there for you night after night. I wish I was the one who was available. I wish that we never have to end because till the end the feeling was not deep enough. Or, I wish I never had to exist between both of you. I hate being the karma I am implementing on myself. I hate the fact of how I am telling myself what I used to feel like telling your ex. I hate eating back my own words. That 'she is no longer yours, and I have every right to have her now.' I hate being so vulnerable for you. I hate the fact that an ex is an ex for a reason. I hate the fact that I know there is nothing, but there is definitely the feeling. I hate feeling how an ex would feel like. I hate you for falling for her. I hate you for making her the one who is replacing everythi

07/09/11 Weird. I actually planned to return to blogging when she leaves and go back. Naww. It doesnt make much difference now. Besides, I dont have my diary with me right now, and this blog is dead as ever. So yeah, sorry blog, that I have neglected you for so long. I had tons to write, tons of memories to keep etched here, but I guess its better not to anyway. Since I kinda lose the strawberry milkshake feelings I used to have. mm hmm. :) period.

06/07/11 "I wish i could sayang u more. If my hug could heal I would have hug u for the damn whole day jo" It would heal. But I think it would hurt in some parts too. period.

06/07/11 and it's still never ending. period.

04/07/11 so many could happen in two weeks, let alone four months. it would have been one month . our, one month. period.