DOLCE VITA : THE SWEET LIFE

(31/10/11) -Halloween. In the very beginning, there was still worry. Worry that it would break someone, worry about the blow it'll impact on the individual. Ironically, i remember it was the birthday, and also the day the one i was waiting for is coming home. The very same day, when i decide to make clear cut with my decision. In fact, i realized that the decision has been made long ago. Looking back, it was obvious. The only thing that kept me from realizing was myself, for i wished of nothing but the best for other people. For them to be not upset by me. She was right, it is always others before myself. Them before me. I wonder if there ever will be a day when i would be thoroughly selfish, or maybe just really love myself more than anything. Just like what mum said, "Learn to love yourself more before loving anyone else." True. So very true. unfinished. period.

19/10/2011 i really want to know what will happen if i pop a sulpiride tablet in right now. can i wake up to go to school for chemistry? cus i think i bloody need that tablet in me. like now. fuck. what on earth is wrong with me. i was never like this. i am not me anymore. like hahaha when was the last time i truly felt happy for myself again? months ago man. cmon. i never cry for exams. i did. i never cry to my brother. i did. i never want to just sleep and not care whats gonna happen tmr. i did. and not to mention feeling like utter bullshit waking up with half the day gone. i did. i never memorise biofacts like shit and still able to ask "what on earth is protein synthesis"; never occured to me that that was exactly what i was reading the whole time; and threw 15 marks away. i did. i could never sincerely literally seriously felt more stupid ever. i did. and i really considered going back to sleep and sleep again tmr during chemistry. if miss chemistry asks, i'll say i