epiphany.

19/10/2011

i really want to know what will happen if i pop a sulpiride tablet in right now.
can i wake up to go to school for chemistry?
cus i think i bloody need that tablet in me. like now.
fuck. what on earth is wrong with me.
i was never like this. i am not me anymore.
like hahaha when was the last time i truly felt happy for myself again?
months ago man.
cmon.
i never cry for exams.
i did.
i never cry to my brother.
i did.
i never want to just sleep and not care whats gonna happen tmr.
i did.
and not to mention feeling like utter bullshit waking up with half the day gone.
i did.
i never memorise biofacts like shit and still able to ask "what on earth is protein synthesis"; never occured to me that that was exactly what i was reading the whole time; and threw 15 marks away.
i did.
i could never sincerely literally seriously felt more stupid ever.
i did.
and i really considered going back to sleep and sleep again tmr during chemistry.
if miss chemistry asks, i'll say i dont know how to do, and that i also DONT want to do.
sweet.

well? positive side?
There's always a first for everything, no?
and how many more goddamn firsts am i gonna break this bloody year.
too much. seriously just too much.

*swallows the tablet.
there. another first gone. taking unprescribed med.
kthksnight. cb.

p/s: even if right deep down i know goddamn very well what is right and what is not,
sometimes, just sometimes, i just want to let it all go.
immersed in
period.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Pretty to see, difficult to catch.

Image
*Something I wrote right before I came back Ipoh. Right before I was burning with hate. Good to read this knowing it calms me down. 18/07/2015 0520 Still unable to fall asleep, so I decide to type something out because I am feeling like it. Was home last night, and my brother decided to have some relationship talk with me. That was pretty awkward, the lil girl finally grew up to the point when it is sort of time for this talk. Talk about papa, talk about mommy, talk about him. Brother said a whole lot, with me pseudo listening at some point. But what caught me was when he told me how He would never let you walk down the wrong path. When you're walking down a path that was not meant for you at that time, He will hold you back and steer you in another direction. It might seem to be a hindering of some sort, an obstacle obstructing you from going further. But what you did not realize is that He is the one guiding you to a another path. I broke down at that. I though...
Read more

numb.

Image
i never know why was it only you that made me like that. this. is the second time you make me feel so numb. numb in front of my laptop. and only my eyes scanning through your words again and again. figurng out what was wrong. you said i've changed. i wonder how. you said i'm different from how you first know me. i wonder where. and you said i made you disappointed. sad. whatever. all i know is that every time you say this; all i care to do is think what have i done. you said you dont know how to tell me. well then that is so not gonna solve things. i. have always been independent. i'd never want to rely on someone. i'm not some vulnerable lady who gets easily hurt. "I'll never tell him how much he made me cry that day." this tumblr post is real. the ' one and only time ' i had tears falling for you. this time. i had my heart shielded. if you feel sad, the same way it goes with me. i can feel my heart go numb. before you tell me what and where you ...
Read more

some cheesy post.

Image
13/10/2012 cheese. -You know what, blogger killed my post by screwing the final product and AUTOSAVING THE WRONG THING. Dude, i poured my heart every single time i post. t('- ' )t But I get frustrated if I dont post what i originally wanted to say, so I'm gonna type again. It was supposed to be up before 12am, damned. Blogger better not f this up again. *exhales.- I just had the drive to post something up here for you, and I dont usually do that. So this means that this is special okay. HAPPY NINETEENTH CHEESE! This is the 7th time I'm wishing and keep counting ass :D I'm glad that I still get to wish you with this much enthusiasm now, especially ever since your lc period from f3 onwards. Hahaha joking, no one could ever beat me in this area right? *smirks Initially, i was just going to post some stuff that.. I dont know how to describe that. Anyway, I thought I might as well dedicate this top post for you. You can not read the ones below ...
Read more