epiphany.

19/10/2011

i really want to know what will happen if i pop a sulpiride tablet in right now.
can i wake up to go to school for chemistry?
cus i think i bloody need that tablet in me. like now.
fuck. what on earth is wrong with me.
i was never like this. i am not me anymore.
like hahaha when was the last time i truly felt happy for myself again?
months ago man.
cmon.
i never cry for exams.
i did.
i never cry to my brother.
i did.
i never want to just sleep and not care whats gonna happen tmr.
i did.
and not to mention feeling like utter bullshit waking up with half the day gone.
i did.
i never memorise biofacts like shit and still able to ask "what on earth is protein synthesis"; never occured to me that that was exactly what i was reading the whole time; and threw 15 marks away.
i did.
i could never sincerely literally seriously felt more stupid ever.
i did.
and i really considered going back to sleep and sleep again tmr during chemistry.
if miss chemistry asks, i'll say i dont know how to do, and that i also DONT want to do.
sweet.

well? positive side?
There's always a first for everything, no?
and how many more goddamn firsts am i gonna break this bloody year.
too much. seriously just too much.

*swallows the tablet.
there. another first gone. taking unprescribed med.
kthksnight. cb.

p/s: even if right deep down i know goddamn very well what is right and what is not,
sometimes, just sometimes, i just want to let it all go.
immersed in
period.

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