Filled with love.
09/06/2015
Twenty-one.
I did not expect it to happen to me.
Fate decided to grant me this out of all the things that could have possibly happened.
No words could describe how I felt at that very moment.
That sight through the crack of the door showed me what I did not want to see,
albeit the fact that I have half (or possibly wholly) believed it would turn out that way.
Everything stopped.
Just for that moment, I did not have anyone. Not even you. Your hugs. Your comfort.
All I had was me and every part of my breathing self.
Every single cell in my breathing body.
A thousand, no, a million thoughts ran through my numbed mind.
But the only thing loud and clear to me was, I have it.
And I also don't.
In the blink of an eye, there is so much responsibility that I could immediately assume.
Even for the scarce period I had, I did what I could.
I tried carrying out the responsibilities that was just purely natural to me.
All because
it was my doing, my action, my fault, and also my fall.
All because
it was my love, my pride, my self, and yet my utmost regret.
304
The love that enveloped me was undeniable.
The pain that consumed me was unforgettable.
I was unwilling to let go, but I am selfish.
The only thing I could give was the aftermath that I will keep for the rest of my life.
The fear before, the excruciating pain during, and the loss after.
It will be part and parcel of me buried deep inside the locks of my memory.
It will resurface when I fall prey to the unconscious mind in my dreams.
It would be unearthed to remind me of my bleeding decision every single month,
It will never be forgotten.
I am twenty-two and six days.
I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry.
Nothing could rid me of the guilt I was to bear for the rest of my life.
Nothing could fill up of the hollowness I felt in me afterwards.
Nothing could replenish the love for it. Nothing but you and I.
But that too was no more.
period.
I'm sorry, I'll always love you.
Twenty-one.
I did not expect it to happen to me.
Fate decided to grant me this out of all the things that could have possibly happened.
No words could describe how I felt at that very moment.
That sight through the crack of the door showed me what I did not want to see,
albeit the fact that I have half (or possibly wholly) believed it would turn out that way.
Everything stopped.
Just for that moment, I did not have anyone. Not even you. Your hugs. Your comfort.
All I had was me and every part of my breathing self.
Every single cell in my breathing body.
A thousand, no, a million thoughts ran through my numbed mind.
But the only thing loud and clear to me was, I have it.
And I also don't.
In the blink of an eye, there is so much responsibility that I could immediately assume.
Even for the scarce period I had, I did what I could.
I tried carrying out the responsibilities that was just purely natural to me.
All because
it was my doing, my action, my fault, and also my fall.
All because
it was my love, my pride, my self, and yet my utmost regret.
304
The love that enveloped me was undeniable.
The pain that consumed me was unforgettable.
I was unwilling to let go, but I am selfish.
The only thing I could give was the aftermath that I will keep for the rest of my life.
The fear before, the excruciating pain during, and the loss after.
It will be part and parcel of me buried deep inside the locks of my memory.
It will resurface when I fall prey to the unconscious mind in my dreams.
It would be unearthed to remind me of my bleeding decision every single month,
It will never be forgotten.
I am twenty-two and six days.
I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry.
Nothing could rid me of the guilt I was to bear for the rest of my life.
Nothing could fill up of the hollowness I felt in me afterwards.
Nothing could replenish the love for it. Nothing but you and I.
But that too was no more.
period.
I'm sorry, I'll always love you.
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