twenty-one


05/6/2014

I'm sitting on the sofa, procrastinating while acting really busy on my laptop switching from this social window to that.
2.20 a.m., I should be well in bed going into my first/second phase of sleep.
If Mom was still in KL i'd probably be catching the rest of my drama that I kept on pause on the player.
I just had this sudden whim to write about the past few days and nights, how I sort of painstakingly(?) went through them.
But then, I've had some alcohol earlier on and I just feel so, so lazy to type it out. (excuses!)
Let's just say that I didn't have to endure everything in such a harsh way (but I did),
didn't have to quickly replenish my emotions to the brim in three days over and over (yet I did),
didn't have to tell myself not to have high expectations and yet secretly hoped (still I did).
What, yeah contradicting myself and putting many, many things that seem unrelated together and then turn on the water faucet and allow my salty tears to roll down again and again and again and again.

Ridiculous.
Yet, I still have no idea why.
Aite, I'm starting to feel hungry after the alcohol.
Technically I'm only hungry after 1 a.m. since Monday.
Haven't had any appetite for four consecutive days now.
My weight... has dropped to 41 kilos. Far from my dreams of blood donation.
Need.to.go.back.to.45.kilos.
Frustrating really.


Mahtava, mahtava.
What happened to staying mahtava shin?
period.

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