looking at him

choywaihung.
period.

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Pretty to see, difficult to catch.

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*Something I wrote right before I came back Ipoh. Right before I was burning with hate. Good to read this knowing it calms me down. 18/07/2015 0520 Still unable to fall asleep, so I decide to type something out because I am feeling like it. Was home last night, and my brother decided to have some relationship talk with me. That was pretty awkward, the lil girl finally grew up to the point when it is sort of time for this talk. Talk about papa, talk about mommy, talk about him. Brother said a whole lot, with me pseudo listening at some point. But what caught me was when he told me how He would never let you walk down the wrong path. When you're walking down a path that was not meant for you at that time, He will hold you back and steer you in another direction. It might seem to be a hindering of some sort, an obstacle obstructing you from going further. But what you did not realize is that He is the one guiding you to a another path. I broke down at that. I though...
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numb.

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i never know why was it only you that made me like that. this. is the second time you make me feel so numb. numb in front of my laptop. and only my eyes scanning through your words again and again. figurng out what was wrong. you said i've changed. i wonder how. you said i'm different from how you first know me. i wonder where. and you said i made you disappointed. sad. whatever. all i know is that every time you say this; all i care to do is think what have i done. you said you dont know how to tell me. well then that is so not gonna solve things. i. have always been independent. i'd never want to rely on someone. i'm not some vulnerable lady who gets easily hurt. "I'll never tell him how much he made me cry that day." this tumblr post is real. the ' one and only time ' i had tears falling for you. this time. i had my heart shielded. if you feel sad, the same way it goes with me. i can feel my heart go numb. before you tell me what and where you ...
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I dnu what to do with myself.

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10/07/11 I wish I never asked for you to accept the request. I wish you two never met. I wish you two were never friends. I wish my birthday wasn't the reason you both have each other's number. I wish I was the one who could be there for you night after night. I wish I was the one who was available. I wish that we never have to end because till the end the feeling was not deep enough. Or, I wish I never had to exist between both of you. I hate being the karma I am implementing on myself. I hate the fact of how I am telling myself what I used to feel like telling your ex. I hate eating back my own words. That 'she is no longer yours, and I have every right to have her now.' I hate being so vulnerable for you. I hate the fact that an ex is an ex for a reason. I hate the fact that I know there is nothing, but there is definitely the feeling. I hate feeling how an ex would feel like. I hate you for falling for her. I hate you for making her the one who is replacing everythi...
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