11/02/2016 I have always been like a widespread ocean. I can be calm, serene, and at peace, but when the waves hit, it is always a rough tide. The rocking waves are just like my emotions, it hits hard and it is unforgiving. I either ride along the waves, head high up and spiral downwards; or just crash and submerge underwater. I get lost drowning in the feeling of everything all at once. But I hate giving up. I hate submitting myself to forces that are greater than me. I hate to not be in control. I hate when things refuse to go my way. I am stubborn as fuck, I am merciless when I cannot achieve what I want. I have a heart, one that is so big and full. I have a heart, one that cares relentlessly. I have a heart, one that can be void and be emptied. I have a heart, one that would replenish, still, time after time. I have a heart, one that I know will eventually be the death (or hopefully the life) of me. I have a heart, and that is my...
*Something I wrote right before I came back Ipoh. Right before I was burning with hate. Good to read this knowing it calms me down. 18/07/2015 0520 Still unable to fall asleep, so I decide to type something out because I am feeling like it. Was home last night, and my brother decided to have some relationship talk with me. That was pretty awkward, the lil girl finally grew up to the point when it is sort of time for this talk. Talk about papa, talk about mommy, talk about him. Brother said a whole lot, with me pseudo listening at some point. But what caught me was when he told me how He would never let you walk down the wrong path. When you're walking down a path that was not meant for you at that time, He will hold you back and steer you in another direction. It might seem to be a hindering of some sort, an obstacle obstructing you from going further. But what you did not realize is that He is the one guiding you to a another path. I broke down at that. I though...
16/06/2020 i fell in love. you fell out first. on our last morning, i said my heart hurts. you said yours too. /but it is different. the final tie to the dead knot was not because of the many attempts in tying. it was simply because the string has been left loose. i was tugging at nothing, pulling everything slowly back to myself. /i know. on our last car ride, we held hands. i said everything is going to be okay. we are going to be okay. there was an atmosphere around us, hopeful of possible regret. eventually we would be okay- but my seat was already tainted. /i knew. and just shy of fourteen days, you said no more. i am not wanted anymore. and two days later i returned, my bunny already placed out of your vision, your earrings discarded away. it was a cold room, so unfamiliarly strange. the only warm thing, were the silent tears on my face and the other mothers in the house. i could not recall what i came for anymore. your room has not ...
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