29/06/2015 A little girl sees something new for the first time. She is mesmerized, she is curious, she is doubtful. A little girl learns something new and performs a new 'trick'. The people around fawns over her and showers her with claps, cheers, just for her. She does it again, just so she can elicit the same response. And it goes on and on and on. Have we not always been taught to learn and show to garner attention? Has it not always been this way where we do something for someone else? I think that is usually the case most of the time. Most of my time. "Was it because your dad left so there is a need to for you to grow up and become not dependent...?" *dingding moment in Counselling role play practice* Fifteen years and counting, it still felt the same way. I try to be something for someone else. I do something for people to stick around. I become independent and strong, because I do not want to be a burden. I learn to shut...
11/02/2016 I have always been like a widespread ocean. I can be calm, serene, and at peace, but when the waves hit, it is always a rough tide. The rocking waves are just like my emotions, it hits hard and it is unforgiving. I either ride along the waves, head high up and spiral downwards; or just crash and submerge underwater. I get lost drowning in the feeling of everything all at once. But I hate giving up. I hate submitting myself to forces that are greater than me. I hate to not be in control. I hate when things refuse to go my way. I am stubborn as fuck, I am merciless when I cannot achieve what I want. I have a heart, one that is so big and full. I have a heart, one that cares relentlessly. I have a heart, one that can be void and be emptied. I have a heart, one that would replenish, still, time after time. I have a heart, one that I know will eventually be the death (or hopefully the life) of me. I have a heart, and that is my...
26/06/2015 Four weeks ago. What do you see when you look at me? You said you see me as a friend. And I was thinking, how could we be like friends when we never actually were those few months ago. Is it possible to revert back to something we were after we lost what we had? Of course. The only problem is, we have nothing to go back to. What do I see when I look at you? I see someone I completely have no idea about. You are a stranger who is all but familiar to me. You are now someone who bears the same name with all the tiny old habits. And you are a silhouette walking towards the light leaving me behind in the shadows. Funny. You were never my cup of tea. I was never your cup of tea. We decided to give each other a shot. We know we can stay if we liked what we tasted. We know we can stray off if we did not. But what you did not tell me was what would happen, if only one became the other's cup of tea. You became my cup of tea. I...
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