*Something I wrote right before I came back Ipoh. Right before I was burning with hate. Good to read this knowing it calms me down. 18/07/2015 0520 Still unable to fall asleep, so I decide to type something out because I am feeling like it. Was home last night, and my brother decided to have some relationship talk with me. That was pretty awkward, the lil girl finally grew up to the point when it is sort of time for this talk. Talk about papa, talk about mommy, talk about him. Brother said a whole lot, with me pseudo listening at some point. But what caught me was when he told me how He would never let you walk down the wrong path. When you're walking down a path that was not meant for you at that time, He will hold you back and steer you in another direction. It might seem to be a hindering of some sort, an obstacle obstructing you from going further. But what you did not realize is that He is the one guiding you to a another path. I broke down at that. I though...
16/06/2020 i fell in love. you fell out first. on our last morning, i said my heart hurts. you said yours too. /but it is different. the final tie to the dead knot was not because of the many attempts in tying. it was simply because the string has been left loose. i was tugging at nothing, pulling everything slowly back to myself. /i know. on our last car ride, we held hands. i said everything is going to be okay. we are going to be okay. there was an atmosphere around us, hopeful of possible regret. eventually we would be okay- but my seat was already tainted. /i knew. and just shy of fourteen days, you said no more. i am not wanted anymore. and two days later i returned, my bunny already placed out of your vision, your earrings discarded away. it was a cold room, so unfamiliarly strange. the only warm thing, were the silent tears on my face and the other mothers in the house. i could not recall what i came for anymore. your room has not ...
29/06/2015 A little girl sees something new for the first time. She is mesmerized, she is curious, she is doubtful. A little girl learns something new and performs a new 'trick'. The people around fawns over her and showers her with claps, cheers, just for her. She does it again, just so she can elicit the same response. And it goes on and on and on. Have we not always been taught to learn and show to garner attention? Has it not always been this way where we do something for someone else? I think that is usually the case most of the time. Most of my time. "Was it because your dad left so there is a need to for you to grow up and become not dependent...?" *dingding moment in Counselling role play practice* Fifteen years and counting, it still felt the same way. I try to be something for someone else. I do something for people to stick around. I become independent and strong, because I do not want to be a burden. I learn to shut...
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